*cough* Can we still smoke in here? *cough while rummaging for a lighter*

*Lights dim and the opening from Richard Strauss's Also Sprach Zarathustra blares to add gravitas to the upcoming poptart bit*

*Bring toaster, place on stool, plug in, put poptarts in toaster*

Hello Net People and Netizens!

First, please put away all recording devices and cameras. ok, now take them out again. ok, now point them at each other and everybody take a picture on the count of 3.

So, if anybody came here tonight expecting to get an earful about how I'm happy to be continuing Search Engine with TVO well you've come to the wrong place. Let's get this out of the way right from the get-go-- We're here tonight to listen to some sweet tunes on vinyl by my favorite band Journey. We're gonna keep the talking to a minimum and the rocking (out) to the max. My buddy's heading out to my van to grab the records now. This is going to kick some serious ass.

Well, before he gets back I guess I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I'm Jesse Brown, and this speech is my dream come true. I am speaking by the seat of my pants, or rather the seat of the pants of the fans of Search Engine. I'm kinda focused on MY pants, because they don't fit right. Gimme a second.

Alrighty. Meeeee-owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Why are we here, you ask? I've called you all to jump into my personal ocean and help me transition from the pre-op Search Engine on CBC radio and podcast to the new and improved post-op Search Engine on TVO's budding media empire.

Truly, there is no emoticon for what I am feeling here tonight, but I will try: colon, period, hyphen...interrobang. You see the problem.

Noting the aphorism that "A comedian dies a thousand times but a hero dies but once," this show has been on life support more than once and Search Engine is a testament to the ability of the Internetz (that series of tubes we all love!) to be a defibrillator. The wisdom of crowd sourcing gives this medium new life; each of you not only listens but offers support, adds content, chases down leads and generally makes my job a little easier.

And if none of that had worked out, I could at least count on you to make my adorable "I can haz job?" campaign go viral. Well, Canadian viral anyway. I mean, that is to say.. well never mind.

So I tell you this: a wise man once said "You cannot win, Mr. Prent...err Vader. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." That was one man and we are Legion. {Pause for applause}

Of course, Trotsky was struck down by an icepick and didn't really achieve power afterward. Socrates; however, took in the hemlock with the serenity we associate with a wise bearded man. What we have here is a great speech. And it goes out to the ladies. To Search Engine! [Chewbacca sound here]

PS. I am sorry about the furicide I committed when I shaved my sexy beard, it will never happen again and that I have no plans to mess with the hirsute perfection that is my back.

  • poptart pops, eat one & offer one to lucky fan*

oh man what a world we live in.

...sooooooooo (sensing the bored audience and trying new gambit) ....great day on the markets today. Excellent.

Pretend the microphone stopped working by mouthing words for a bit and then gesture at the sound dude for a bit and then start talking out loud again

Before Kanye West comes and takes my microphone away, I'd like to welcome you all to the launch party for the new season of my podcast! I promise never to crowd-sources speeches again. Thank you. Let's all get drunk. But not drive. Smooch.